I know firsthand the impact that finally, *finally* feeling unugly can have on your life. There is such an emphasis on beauty and makeup and weight-loss and perfection, that feeling beautiful can seem unattainable. When I felt this way, it kept me frozen in all areas of my life.
Though it may seem counter-intuitive, I have found that learning to love the way we look is a super-duper giant first-step to increasing overall confidence and badassness for going after what we want in life. To me, inner and outer beauty are intertwined. So when we can learn to love one, that love seeps over and into the other, and brings mind-blowingly WOW changes all over the place. If someone is really ready and committed to showing up in life and embarking on a technicolor self-realization journey, starting with the outside–with appearance–is actually the way to go in my experience. Before you roll your eyes, tee hee, please hear me on out
Imagine a women with very little confidence in herself named, uuuh, Petra. When you pass her in the halls, she’s looking down, her shoulders are hunched and it’s like her heart chakra is closed off for protection. When you say, “Hi Petra!”, she looks up and smiles, but is almost startled that you have seen her. It’s obvious that she doesn’t spend time getting ready in the morning at all; in fact she seems to do everything she can to exist only in the shadows. Her demeanor matches her appearance. Though Petra is mega intelligent and good at what she does, she turns red when anyone asks her a question in a meeting and often backs down when she’s challenged.
You know that annoying-ass negative chatter that can bombard our minds, telling us how dumb or ugly or stupid or unloveable or inadequate we are? Well, Petra hears it all day long, and doesn’t realize she doesn’t have to pay attention to it. She hears that voice telling her stuff like, “Why were you so stupid at that meeting yesterday? No wonder nobody takes you seriously!” And when she goes to the bathroom to get ready in the morning, she looks at herself and hears, “Wow, you are sooo frumpy and unattractive! Look at that muffin top on you! And your hair is so limp…and…and…and…” The negative chatter becomes what she believes to be true about herself.
If Petra becomes my client, we will focus on her thoughts and shifting them, of course, and I can tell her to write a list of her accomplishments, and recommend she start writing in a gratitude journal as homework to begin focusing on what she *does* have going for her in her life. I know all of these and other confidence-building activities are effective over time. However, when she looks in the mirror, she will still be seeing the same things, which serve as triggers. Her brain has nothing visual to help create a shift in her thought patterns. Petra’s thoughts may be shifting, and she may be starting to see the beauty in her life, and gaining more self-awareness, etc., but if we do an actual quick-n-perdy makeover, we are working together to give her visual, immediate proof that things can change. That things can be different. That she can feel and live differently. You feel me? If I can help Petra tap into her beauty in a superficial way, she will see that it exists, and it can be a HUGE first step toward overall confidence.
After a very simple makeover, a women’s posture changes, opening up her heart chakra. Her head is up, and she smiles as she looks at herself in the mirror, totally blown away by what she sees. It’s like a kick-start for other areas in life. And, once the woman sees that she can *look* beautiful, it makes her begin to *feel* beautiful and *act* beautiful and *think* beautiful. It eventually creates more beauty around her, which continues to fuel her confidence. Suddenly, there’s room for POSSIBILITY!
When our inner and outer beauty are in alignment, they are able to work together with synergy to give us the confidence and courage we need to create the life we want. What I mega ADORE about starting from the outside and working my way inward is that there’s an element of fun and surprise. It provides some instant gratification and immediate visual results that can serve as very valuable motivation.
I’m definitely not saying to hide behind makeup and clothes and the media’s definitions of beauty…beautification as an unhealthy obsession can actually be like a mask we hide behind to protect ourselves. The point of the magical makeover is not achieving conventional perfection or making elaborate changes that don’t feel authentic to the makeoveree. The point is to give the eyes and brain evidence that change is possible…that feeling good when we look in the mirror is possible…that new habits like self-care are possible. Putting on some makeup and clothes that feel like an authentic expression of how effing MONEY you are is a solid first step toward deep self-love. It’s like the gateway drug to more intense inner self-realization, if you will.
And, the irony is, you eventually start feeling your inner beauty and the better you feel about it, the more you radiate, and the less time you spend primping and fussing over your outer appearance. FULL CIRCLE!
Have you ever felt the immediate effects of getting dolled up before going out somewhere? Have you noticed that it can actually change your mood and energy when you like the way you look?