Enhancing Your Outer Beauty = The Gateway Drug to Deep Self-Realization!

photo credit: inesplicabile via photopin cc

photo credit: inesplicabile via photopin cc

I know firsthand the impact that finally, *finally* feeling unugly can have on your life.  There is such an emphasis on beauty and makeup and weight-loss and perfection, that feeling beautiful can seem unattainable.  When I felt this way, it kept me frozen in all areas of my life.

Though it may seem counter-intuitive, I have found that learning to love the way we look is a super-duper giant first-step to increasing overall confidence and badassness for going after what we want in life.  To me, inner and outer beauty are intertwined.  So when we can learn to love one, that love seeps over and into the other, and brings mind-blowingly WOW changes all over the place.  If someone is really ready and committed to showing up in life and embarking on a technicolor self-realization journey, starting with the outside–with appearance–is actually the way to go in my experience.  Before you roll your eyes, tee hee, please hear me on out :)

photo credit: Gabriela Camerotti via photopin cc

photo credit: Gabriela Camerotti via photopin cc

Here goes:

Imagine a women with very little confidence in herself named, uuuh, Petra.  When you pass her in the halls, she’s looking down, her shoulders are hunched and it’s like her heart chakra is closed off for protection.  When you say, “Hi Petra!”, she looks up and smiles, but is almost startled that you have seen her.  It’s obvious that she doesn’t spend time getting ready in the morning at all; in fact she seems to do everything she can to exist only in the shadows.  Her demeanor matches her appearance.  Though Petra is mega intelligent and good at what she does, she turns red when anyone asks her a question in a meeting and often backs down when she’s challenged.  

You know that annoying-ass negative chatter that can bombard our minds, telling us how dumb or ugly or stupid or unloveable or inadequate we are?  Well, Petra hears it all day long, and doesn’t realize she doesn’t have to pay attention to it.  She hears that voice telling her stuff like, “Why were you so stupid at that meeting yesterday?  No wonder nobody takes you seriously!”  And when she goes to the bathroom to get ready in the morning, she looks at herself and hears, “Wow, you are sooo frumpy and unattractive! Look at that muffin top on you!  And your hair is so limp…and…and…and…”   The negative chatter becomes what she believes to be true about herself.

If Petra becomes my client, we will focus on her thoughts and shifting them, of course, and I can tell her to write a list of her accomplishments, and recommend she start writing in a gratitude journal as homework to begin focusing on what she *does* have going for her in her life.  I know all of these and other confidence-building activities are effective over time.  However, when she looks in the mirror, she will still be seeing the same things, which serve as triggers.  Her brain has nothing visual to help create a shift in her thought patterns.  Petra’s thoughts may be shifting, and she may be starting to see the beauty in her life, and gaining more self-awareness, etc., but if we do an actual quick-n-perdy makeover, we are working together to give her visual, immediate proof that things can change.  That things can be different.  That she can feel and live differently.  You feel me?  If I can help Petra tap into her beauty in a superficial way, she will see that it exists, and it can be a HUGE first step toward overall confidence.

After a very simple makeover, a women’s posture changes, opening up her heart chakra.  Her head is up, and she smiles as she looks at herself in the mirror, totally blown away by what she sees.  It’s like a kick-start for other areas in life.  And, once the woman sees that she can *look* beautiful, it makes her begin to *feel* beautiful and *act* beautiful and *think* beautiful.  It eventually creates more beauty around her, which continues to fuel her confidence.  Suddenly, there’s room for POSSIBILITY!

When our inner and outer beauty are in alignment, they are able to work together with synergy to give us the confidence and courage we need to create the life we want.  What I mega ADORE about starting from the outside and working my way inward is that there’s an element of fun and surprise.  It provides some instant gratification and immediate visual results that can serve as very valuable motivation.

I’m definitely not saying to hide behind makeup and clothes and the media’s definitions of beauty…beautification as an unhealthy obsession can actually be like a mask we hide behind to protect ourselves.  The point of the magical makeover is not achieving conventional perfection or making elaborate changes that don’t feel authentic to the makeoveree.  The point is to give the eyes and brain evidence that change is possible…that feeling good when we look in the mirror is possible…that new habits like self-care are possible.  Putting on some makeup and clothes that feel like an authentic expression of how effing MONEY you are is a solid first step toward deep self-love.  It’s like the gateway drug to more intense inner self-realization, if you will.

And, the irony is, you eventually start feeling your inner beauty and the better you  feel about it, the more you radiate, and the less time you spend primping and fussing over your outer appearance.  FULL CIRCLE!

Have you ever felt the immediate effects of getting dolled up before going out somewhere?  Have you noticed that it can actually change your mood and energy when you like the way you look?

 

Are You Afraid to Highlight/Express Your Unique Beauty?

I’ve been doing makeovers and helping people see how effing WOW they are since I was a wee little one…it has always made me giddy!  In the past, it allowed me to live vicariously through that person as I watched them morph into a more razzle-dazzle and authentic version of themselves, and I also intensely savored the, “WOW!  I had no idea I could look like this” moment (still do!).  It’s quite a delic’ unveiling.

photo credit: Frederic Poirot via photopin cc

photo credit: Frederic Poirot via photopin cc

I remember during a slumber party in high school, I did a makeover on a friend and she was completely blown away by how she looked.  All I did was help her express her beauty, but it was powerful.  She kept going back to the mirror in amazement, and everyone else was excited about her excitement, and she was being bombarded with compliments.  The reason the change was so dramatic is because she made below-zero effort to enhance what she had going for her, which was a lot!

I told her how easy it was to do what I had just done, and that it would take her 10 minutes extra in the morning to give her makeup and hair a little pizzazz (it was the 90s, so the hair was definitely NOT au naturel!!) I explained that doing this really reflected her personality.  She was happy-go-lucky, intelligent, hilarious, unique, kind, and fun to be around, however, her, what we now call, mommy jeans + over-sized sweatshirts and keds did not even hint at any of that…  especially since we were 16!

She pulled me aside and said, “Thank you, but I can’t go to school like this!  People will notice I’ve done something different or think I have changed..and then they’ll expect me to do it all the time!  Or worse, what if I show up like this and people *still* think I’m ugly?  I’d rather stay invisible!  This isn’t me…”  

Back then, I felt disappointed that she didn’t want to strut her lovely stuff in all of its glory!  In a way, maybe high-school me was offended or frustrated that she had some new tools to light up and feel so much more confident, but had decided to stay the same instead.  Alas, it reminded me of myself…

Thinking about this now, I understand a few things more clearly about my makeover-refusing friend:

1.)  She was close to her family and they were all very conservative and salt-of-the-earth folk that knocked “fussing” over physical appearance.  She didn’t want to betray or disappoint her clan.

2.)  Change is difficult, even if it makes you feel oodles better!  It’s much more comfortable to stick to what we know, and do things that elicit the same responses we’ve always gotten from others.

3.)  She was one of the “smart kids” and in all of the AP classes, and perhaps brains and beauty were mutually exclusive in her belief system.  She didn’t know she could be a triple threat!!  Brains, personality and beauty!

4.)  Shining can be scary.  She got so many accolades and verbal flowers from everyone at the party that it made her feel *too* visible.  Being seen makes us feel more vulnerable to judgement.

5.)  We’re afraid of people’s expectations and letting them down.  She thought that if she put a little effort into her appearance, she would never be able to have an unmade-up day again.

6.)  When others can really see you, they are more likely to have an opinion about you.  This possibility terrified her.  It’s easier to be criticized when we know we haven’t tried than when we know we’ve made some sort of effort.

7.)  We all have a set of beliefs and ideas about ourselves and others that are hard to shake.  To her, enhancing her outer appearance meant altering who she was, or losing part of her identity.

photo credit: Mitya Kuznetsov via photopin cc

photo credit: Mitya Kuznetsov via photopin cc

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

Today I would tell her that it’s ok to be your most WOW self, and enhance everything you have working  in your favor.  I would tell her that people care much less than our angsty teenaged minds tell us they do.  I would tell her that being invisible isn’t “safe” or comfy cozy in the long-run…it leads to sadness, despair, frustration, lack of confidence to really LIVE life like you mean it, and go after your burning desires.  It traps you in a cycle of needing approval, and thinking you’re not {insert ANY positive word here} enough.  It’s our duty to honor our physical beauty so we can shine and rock what we’re here to rock, ya dig?  (Actually, I would tell Eyenie circa ’92 the same things!)

Are you keeping parts of yourself from shining?  Do you feel safer hiding out than enhancing your goods for all the world to see?  What can you do today to highlight your unique exquisiteness?!  I’d love to hear your thoughts!! :)

What Kind of Beautiful Are You?

Beauty. It is something that fascinates me…talking about it and how different people define it, seeing it and taking it in, experiencing it during certain magical moments.  I especially love gazing at people (I’ll admit I’m a coffee shop stare-hard!) and seeing their particular and unique kind of beauty.  There are soooooo many types…  When you look closely, it’s like you can see a person’s essence shining through, telling their story.

photo credit: massimo ankor via photopin cc

Working and interacting with different types of beauties of all ages from all over the world has taught me something crucial when it comes to feeling beautiful; it’s something that helped me during my journey from “woe is me” to “WOW, that’s me!”

Here goes:

Until we are able to shine light on our Unique Exquisiteness and define and describe it in a way that feels true and authentic to us, it will not resonate.  If it doesn’t resonate, we just ain’t buyin’ it!  You dig?

How do you feel when someone gives you a compliment on your appearance, or “throws you a flower”, as they say in Spanish?  Does it feel like you are receiving a flower?  Or is it uncomfortable?  Awkward?  When you formulate your own beauty phrase, you can take what the person has observed about you, replace it with the, well, compliment of your true understanding, and really feel and appreciate it.

Although adjectives like, “hot” and “cute” are fine, and may resonate with some women, I invite you to craft a phrase that really truly describes the kind of beautiful you truly are so that you can 1.) own it, 2.) feel it in your core, and 3.) radiate like nobody’s business!   You are not some cookie-cutter dame!!!  You are unique and exquisite, and multidimensional and complex.  You deserve to wear it with ease and grace!  When you do, it spills over onto every other area of life…

Ok, so let’s get crackin’ on your unique beauty phrase.  Here are some words and phrases to get the ol’ motor revved up and inspiration a-flowin’.  Feel free to mix and match and add your own, of course.

Lovely
Gorgeous
Breathtakingly
Fine
Slammin’
Fly
Elegant
Mysterious &
Graceful
Wildly
Harmonious
Sophisticated with a splash of
Classic with a touch of
Strong and
Lithe and
Feminine and
The perfect combination of ___ and ____
Ravishing
Sexy
Sensual
Generous
Curvaceous
Luscious
Fairy
Goddess
Warrior
Rebel
Rock and Roll
Bold
Flirty
Swift
Light
Anegelic
Flowing

You get the idea!  Today I’m feeling “rock-and-roll airy-fairy ravishing!!”

Please share your unique phrase and let it flow through you to R A D I A T E the WOW you are!!  Try saying your phrase outloud in the mirror and letting it flow through you.  And, next time someone “throws you a flower”, quickly translate it into the feel-good phrase and accept the compliment graciously.  Here’s to your beauty!

A Pep Talk Just for YOU!!!

We all need a pep talk every now and then, so here is one for you! I’ve made it in the Mad Libs style so that you can fill in whatever it is you need/want/desire to put some pep in that step of yours. So, take a deep breath, smile, and rock and roll!!!

Let’s get started:

Are you kidding me?  Ok, seriously? YOU feel unattractive? Excuse me for laughing, but I’m sort of in shock right now! Do you know how very [positive adjective] you are? No, really! You..yes… Why would I lie about this?  You are just so [incredibly positive adjective]!!!

Look at your amazing [body part] and your [body part] that just won’t quit!  And that smile of yours…it could light up [a big building or room or theater].  

And that’s just the Looks Department!  Have I ever told you what an amazing and inspiring [noun with positive connotation] you are?  The way you [verb with positive connotation] is something I’ve never ever experienced before. I can tell you love doing it, and your love and passion is contagious!  Something else I love about you is how you just oooze happiness when you [activity you LOVE].  It’s so selfless and lovely.

So, you know how you wanted to [thing you want to accomplish in the near future]?  Well, I BELIEVE IN YOU!  You are going to knock everybody’s [article of clothing] off and leave’em wanting more!!!!  I’m so incredibly exited for you!!!  It sort of reminds me of [insert a song or movie that really makes you giddy!!]  Soooo cool.

Here’s to your MEGA AMAZINGNESS in all its neon glory!!!!!

(Now go and read this to yourself in the mirror!!!!!)  HAPPY MONDAY!!!

 

Guest Post chez Uncommon Chick!

I am so effing excited to be a guest blogger on Kesha Brown’s site Uncommonchick.com!!  Check out my nifty new article and let this kid know what you think!  It’s about dressing up so you can really show up for life and BRING IT!

A little pizzazz makes a whole lotta difference when you want to increase your vibration and have beauty flow into your life!  Hope you dig it! :)

http://uncommonchick.com/dressing-up-when-you-show-up-for-life/

Fine, it’s my birthday: A confession & declaration/oath

This year, I’m celebrating my birthday.  I know, it’s what loads of people do…but, I’ve spent the past three decades bobbing, weaving and dodging all festivities having to do with my birthday.  In fact, when people would say stuff like, “whose birthday is coming uuuuuup?  huuuuuh?!” in a nice and excited way, it would actually make me cringe and feel extreme dread (oh man, a year older and little to show for it).  Extreme anxiety (am I living up to the expectations of my age?!).  Extreme sadness (wow, I’m a total loser! i haven’t accomplished anything!).  Extreme “poor me”ness (see, _____ doesn’t cares that it’s my birthday, so why should I?!).  It all stemmed from FEAR.  Of disappointing, of being disappointed.

This year, the proverbial buck stops here.  Basta with all that negatron crapola.  I have committed to no longer living in FEAR and to live in a space of LOVE.  Embracing my birthday is part of that.

This year, I’m actually celebrating my birthday.  I will allow myself to be in the spotlight, and just express my gratitude for those who want to put me there.  I will focus on everything I HAVE accomplished in the past year, and all the cool-ass things on the horizon.  I will be grateful for everything I am, everyone I’ve met, and everything I have learned over the past year.  I will be thankful for all the delightful things in my life, and will be grateful for the motivation, passion, love, fire under my arse and desire to keep my eyes on the prize and work toward it.  From this day on, I solemnly swear to honor, respect and enjoy my birthday and leave Cap’n Birthday Negatron eating my dust.

Today, I will be sprinkling some extra pretty on myself and my surroundings:
~Outfit with extra pizzazz–CHECK!
~”Fiesta” red lipstick–CHECK!
~My favorite songs on queue, and heck, even a mariachi bday song–CHECK!

~Accept birthday wishes with joy and appreciation–CHECK!
~Yummy food & drink & celebration–CHECKETY CHECK CHECK!!

My name is Eyenie.  Today is my birthday.  I’m a year older, and that’s ok.

Yes huh, Unicorns Exist. {A Mini Unicorn Manifesto.}

Unicorns. I love them. A lot. I think it’s partly because I’m a child of the 80s. It may also be in part due to that one tattoo my mom has, or that giant velvet Unicorn picture in a wooden frame we had hanging in the living-room while growing up (true story.)

Some may argue that magical and mystical Unicorns don’t exist, but I am quite certain they do! You see, “Unicorn” is actually code for “Miracle” or “Cool-ass surprise” or “butterflies in my stomach”. It’s synonymous with “unexpected solution to what seemed to be an unsolvable problem”, “generous and perfect gift”, “rare and beautiful sighting”, “overwhelming feeling of joy”, “total and utter relief you thought would never come” and “that completely unexpected thing nobody saw coming from way mega left field.”

Unicorns come in all shapes, sizes, elements and forms.  Sometimes they’re that beautiful song with the perfect lyrics that make you float.  Others, that effing brilliant and gorgeous idea you can’t believe popped into your noggin.  They can also be that one dreamy and inexplicable moment between two concrete moments…like visual poetry.  Or the grandiose view from a hotel balcony accentuated by a faint and intoxicating smell in the air as the wind blows…

YOU are a Unicorn.  Yes, you are.  You are magical, beautiful, dreamy, elegant, powerful, strong, mesmerizing, majestic and rare.  It’s simply a matter of believing it…

Look around you–what Unicorns do you see around you?  Which ones have pranced around lately that you can be grateful for?

 

You are SO Crushworthy! Let Me Show You!

Over the course of my life, I must say that I have had some pretty intense crushes on a variety of fellas.  Each time I had an apple in my eye, he became like this mythical and intangible creature from another plane…  My crushes almost became like idols or rock stars to me, and I never dared to get close.

 

Then there were those “friend” or “girl” crushes a high-school friend of mine introduced me to, where someone of the same sex was so effing cool, your heart fluttered if they showed signs of wanting to be friends with you.  The friend crush was so mind-blowingly cool and seemingly out of your league, that you could hardly believe they knew you existed.

So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately–what makes a person “crush-worthy”?  And, why were my obsessions soooo intense (not “I just carved your name into my flesh” intense, but still, probably not healthy) and over-the-top?  Now, the answer is clear, and it’s twofold:

1.)  My self-esteem was so painfully low that other people’s qualities became mega amplified.  That’s not to say they weren’t crush-worthy by any means, it’s just that since I was so low, they seemed incredibly high.  This also does not mean that a confident person cannot have a crush, obviously…it just means that the crush will be healthier.

and

2.)  These people possessed certain qualities that made them magnetic, attractive and appealing to me and others.  They were confident, charming, good listeners, empathetic and cool, etc.  I guess what it comes down to is the fact that they were so good at just being themselves that it made people rush to them like moths to a flame.

I truly believe that when we are really being our authentic, transparent, absolute value selves, we are irre-freaking-sistable!  I love this part of being a coach–I am like a human highlighter, and I go through and show my clients all the wow things that make them so so dreamy!  And actually, it is in doing this that I feel the most kick-ass and crushworthy!

When we’re doing things that make us feel connected with who we really are, we start understanding our dream-boatyness.  

Now, I ask thee–what makes you crush-worthy?!! You know, and I know (and you know that I know that you know…this could go on and on…so I’ll stop!) that YOU ARE CRUSH-WORTHY!  So come on, out with it!!  I invite you to list a couple of things that make you mega crush-worthy!   Wonderful Wednesday to you, Dream Boat!!