This year, I’m celebrating my birthday. I know, it’s what loads of people do…but, I’ve spent the past three decades bobbing, weaving and dodging all festivities having to do with my birthday. In fact, when people would say stuff like, “whose birthday is coming uuuuuup? huuuuuh?!” in a nice and excited way, it would actually make me cringe and feel extreme dread (oh man, a year older and little to show for it). Extreme anxiety (am I living up to the expectations of my age?!). Extreme sadness (wow, I’m a total loser! i haven’t accomplished anything!). Extreme “poor me”ness (see, _____ doesn’t cares that it’s my birthday, so why should I?!). It all stemmed from FEAR. Of disappointing, of being disappointed.
This year, the proverbial buck stops here. Basta with all that negatron crapola. I have committed to no longer living in FEAR and to live in a space of LOVE. Embracing my birthday is part of that.
This year, I’m actually celebrating my birthday. I will allow myself to be in the spotlight, and just express my gratitude for those who want to put me there. I will focus on everything I HAVE accomplished in the past year, and all the cool-ass things on the horizon. I will be grateful for everything I am, everyone I’ve met, and everything I have learned over the past year. I will be thankful for all the delightful things in my life, and will be grateful for the motivation, passion, love, fire under my arse and desire to keep my eyes on the prize and work toward it. From this day on, I solemnly swear to honor, respect and enjoy my birthday and leave Cap’n Birthday Negatron eating my dust.
Today, I will be sprinkling some extra pretty on myself and my surroundings:
~Outfit with extra pizzazz–CHECK!
~”Fiesta” red lipstick–CHECK!
~My favorite songs on queue, and heck, even a mariachi bday song–CHECK!
~Accept birthday wishes with joy and appreciation–CHECK!
~Yummy food & drink & celebration–CHECKETY CHECK CHECK!!
My name is Eyenie. Today is my birthday. I’m a year older, and that’s ok.